


I cannot play the grieving girl (and lie)

by skyypetomorrow



Series: We Are The Tigers but it's other musicals [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, We Are The Tigers - Allen
Genre: Alcohol, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24186502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyypetomorrow/pseuds/skyypetomorrow
Summary: zoe says she isn't grieving. why would she?
Relationships: Chloe Valentine & Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy
Series: We Are The Tigers but it's other musicals [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745602
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	I cannot play the grieving girl (and lie)

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Mattie's Lament, Cathy Ang
> 
> Characters: Zoe Murphy, Chloe Valentine, Evan Hansen (Mentioned)

Zoe finished tuning her ukulele and spoke softly. "Dear Mom and Dad." She played a chord.

"I'm doing okay! And by okay, I mean.." She gave a tiny laugh. "Well, I'm not suicidal, so that's something! So many people get like that, so that I'm not one... Something to celebrate! It's the little things. The little things that you think "It's so small" and might forget until it's all you have left." She blinked a few times. "And you don't mope like there's no hope. Like the world's come crumbling down- well, you're one forced muscle twitch from turning up that frown." She played a few chords, before scribbling in her notebook in her lap.

"I have friends here! And by friends, I mean girls who hurt others- and me. But who I somehow trust more then that boy I called my brother. He left me for dead, and bragged about it." She stopped playing, before restarting the line. "I have friends again! Well, by friends, I mean girls I hang out with, but who I trust more then Connor, who left me and hurt me. But... It's the little things. The very little things! Those things you don't think would occur in your life. But... Some guy named Evan just made me his wife. It's the little things. The very little things!!" She giggled. Her face fell, as she hummed. "And you don't cry, or ask why. You can always do something, even as you're stuck wondering why the fuck this could happen to you." She stopped. "Sorry, but school's toughened me up." She scratched at her arm, before pressing play on the instrumental she did.

"When I think about how things used to be, I don't think I can finish the year! I wanna cry, I wanna scream, I need to shout! I wanna break my way out! I wanna claw my way back in time- I wouldn't fight, I'd be the good girl, I'd have dropped everything that day! I would have helped him that day! I'm sorry I was useless, I'm sorry I got drunk! I'm sorry about peer pressure- peer pressure sucks! I'm just like- oh my god I can't do this anymore! The best thing I'll do in a year is make some guy happy! I don't think I'm cut out for anything! I need a better family! I need a better life! Can this be how it's gonna go? I don't think I was that bad- I really don't!" 

Her roommate, Chloe Valentine, looked up from her homework. "Hey Zoe! Shut the fuck up!" With that, Zoe realized she was yelling and crying. She cleared her throat and spoke softly.

"But it's the little things... The very little things! It's those things that should mean nothing at all, but nothing in hell is a big freaking ball! So, I'll say 'Crap! I guess that's that!' Build a bridge and move on. Hoping that four years doesn't feel very long." Zoe played a few more chords, and finished the song.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @thesbian on Quotev for proofreading!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I always live comments- and my Tumblr is skyypetomorrow if you wanna send me an ask!


End file.
